


got lost to find my way

by haipollai



Category: Captain America (Comics)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Belonging, Brain Damage, Bucky is found by Namor not the Russians, Consensual Sex, Emotional Baggage, M/M, Polygamy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-21
Updated: 2013-08-21
Packaged: 2017-12-24 04:33:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/935411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haipollai/pseuds/haipollai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky doesn't talk much the first few days, he stays curled up in his bed, staring at the wall. He eats when forced but otherwise would let himself waste away. Namor is kept busy but when he finally can, he goes to see him.</p>
<p>"You're still only a boy," Namor says, staring thoughtfully at him. "You have done so much and by anyone's reckoning you're only a child."</p>
<p>"How do you know?" Bucky whispers.</p>
<p>"I know you."</p>
            </blockquote>





	got lost to find my way

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Renne](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Renne/gifts).



> someone mentioned this idea [here](http://stevebucky-fest.dreamwidth.org/515.html?thread=481539) at the stevebucky prompt meme, and renne was all you should write it! and i was all maybe! and then it was 2k :|  
> if you don't want to follow the link the idea is pretty simple: namor finds bucky instead of the russians, proceeds to care for him and let him live in atlantis because there's nothing for him really on the surface
> 
> title from awolnation's people

Namor watches the doctors work. They're not used to a surface dwellers anatomy, the recent war had given them some experience, Namor had insisted they help injured sailors at sea but that was it. Something like this, a man frozen mostly to death, missing an arm with injuries they couldn't even see, this was something else. Their technology could fill in some of the gaps but the simple difference in anatomy made everything a gamble.

Namor refuses to watch another brother in arms die, not like this. Weak and helpless on a table. It's no way for a warrior to go. So he makes the doctors continue their work.

When Bucky opens his eyes, everyone knows. His entire body reacts like a spring, Namor can tell it's purely muscle memory, it has none of the fire that Bucky used to fight with. He can't inflict much harm on Atlantean doctors and they quickly have him subdued again.

"Sire," someone says at Namor's side. "Is this really worthy of your time? The city-"

"I had thought I had brought in some of the best men and women to be my advisers, if they can not handle my absence for a few days, than perhaps I need to find others to take their places."

"Understood, sire."

-

Bucky doesn't talk much the first few days, he stays curled up in his bed, staring at the wall. He eats when forced but otherwise would let himself waste away. Namor is kept busy but when he finally can, he goes to see him.

"You're still only a boy," Namor says, staring thoughtfully at him. "You have done so much and by anyone's reckoning you're only a child."

"How do you know?" Bucky whispers.

"I know you James Barnes."

Bucky gives him a twisted smile. "Great, care to share?"

"It is a lot to share."

"Looks like I got plenty of time, pal."

-

Namor knew about Steve and Bucky's affair. They never kept it a secret and Namor was never bothered by it. He could understand the need for a companion who understood and even he couldn't imagine what it must be like for two mortals in the depths of war.

Bucky doesn't react when Namor tells him. He doesn't react to much of Namor's words, they're only words. The pictures though, the pictures whether static or moving are different. He tries to hide it, but Namor sees the way his eyes widen, the first sign of recognition. He reaches out to trace the outlines of Steve and Toro and Jim. His fingers linger longest on Steve.

"No care for me?" Namor asks. He's not jealous, simply curious.

"You're right here. Don't need a photograph." He glances up, carefully hiding his expression but he's not very good at it. He's curious, amused. "Do you want me to touch you?"

"I doubt at your age, you would have any skill in that regard."

Bucky twists around, leaning forward almost eagerly. "What makes you so sure? You're the one who told me I've been sleeping around with Mr. Blond and Muscled. Gotta be doing something right." He's so eager, moving off of the bed and to Namor's chair before he can say differently. "And what if I want you to touch me?"

"You are not in your right mind, Barnes," Namor says stiffly. He can't deny he never thought about it, but it was never worth his time before. He had no need to interfere with Steve and Barnes when he could easily go elsewhere for his needs.

"Not in my right mind?" He bites sharply at Namor's ear. "I know exactly what I'm doing."

Namor takes his time to think and decide. This is no longer war, there is nothing to blame this on but themselves and any fall out will have to be dealt with. Namor will not have a weak link living in his own home. "If you're sure."

"No, not sure about anything but seems like a good idea."

"You are certainly Bucky Barnes." He curls his hands around Bucky's thighs and easily lifts him to carry him back to the bed. The papers and photos all crinkle under their weight, disregarded and forgotten.

-

The arm outfitted to replace Bucky's lost left arm is smooth and watertight. The intricate innerworkings make it as usable as a real arm. He will bear the scars on his shoulder but skin grafts and Atlantean medicine make them almost invisible. He looks almost normal, except for the dull sheen of metal.

-

Namor leaves the door open for Bucky when all the surgeries are complete. He makes it clear that Bucky is under no obligation to stay, he owes Namor nothing. All he has done was pay a debt for Bucky saving his life multiple times in war. He never says it out loud in those words, but he ensures that Bucky understands.

Yet Bucky stays. It makes no sense to Namor. Here in Atlantis, Bucky is ostracized. He's a surface dweller, and there is no changing that. Some of the younger ones flirt with Bucky for a chance to say they've slept with a human. Namor even knows that Bucky indulges them sometimes.

But it does not seem reason enough to keep him here. It's when Bucky is back in Namor's bed that Namor's curiosity drives him to ask.

"What's for me up there?" Bucky answers. "I know they call me your pet human but how much better can it be on the surface? I'd be alone." He trails off and for a second Namor thinks he's going to flee, his shoulders go tense and his breath hitches. "Not good at being alone," Bucky mumbles.

"You're lucky your company is tolerable." Namor moves his hand between Bucky's legs, these emotions, living in regret, aren't good for either of them.

Bucky arches up eagerly, his own hand curling around Namor's wrist to guide his rhythm. "Tolerable my ass," he gasps. "You'd be bored without me."

"I have a kingdom to run. I doubt boredom would be an issue." He teases the slit with his thumb to forestall any further argument. Watching Bucky fall apart is more enjoyable than he'll ever admit. He clings to his control so tightly, hiding between quick comments and violence, that to see him let go is rare. Exotic.

-

"He doesn't want to go back?" Namora asks in mild disbelief. It's been years and still Bucky stays. Namor only shrugs. He won't ever admit it, but after all this time, he doesn't want Bucky to leave either.

-

Peace, emotional or physical is hard to find for men like them. Bucky's nightmares are intense, trapping him somewhere dark but when his eyes open, he shrugs away the pain. They are memories and demons from another life. The child he was.

The sex after nightmares though is always intense. Bucky throws himself into it, using the mental calm as a way to sort out his memories. It's a process for him. There is a room off of Namor's own that used to be a small study but Bucky uses it now as a place to meditate. One of Namor's advisers showed him how and since then it's been what's kept him sane. There are two men inside of him, the fragmented pieces of Bucky from before, whatever the doctors managed to find and heal and the man he is now, the one whose life began in Atlantis.

Namor can understand the struggle.

"When you're gone, he spends most of his time there," Namora points out one day when Namor returns from a trip to the surface. Some of his people don't like him having interests, a business, on the surface, they don't see the point. Those people live in the past and they will deny the spread of humanity even when it's at their doorstep. And to the end Namor will be their king.

"I don't plan out his days, he's free to make his own choices."

"He should go with you."

Namor purses his lips and shrugs. 

-

He doesn't need to tell Bucky that people talk about him, he knows. But if Namor were open, he'd admit he prefers hearing his own people whisper then for Bucky to be up on the surface where Namor couldn't do a thing.

-

It takes almost two weeks after the public announcement of Steve Rogers being found for word to reach Atlantis. Namor doesn't think twice about going to look for Bucky, finding him playing with some children outside. He has a specially fitted breathing mask that allows him to move almost as freely as an Atlantean.

When he sees Namor's face, he freezes and reluctantly makes his way to him and back inside. He stares at Namor, dripping wet, his shorts tight to his skin. His body has changed over the years, muscle and fat shifting to make him appear more long and lean, the muscles in his back and shoulders becoming more defined. Becoming a swimmer.

"Steve is alive." They speak mostly in Atlantean now, but this Namor says purposefully in English to let the full weight of it sink in.

Namor's unsure what reaction his words will get. There are so many gaps and Bucky's never told him if he remembers sleeping with Steve or only knows from what Namor told him.

"Alive?" Bucky repeats, sounding _young_.

"Frozen since the war."

Bucky sits down heavily, burying his face in his hands. "What do I do?"

Namor has no answers for him. The choice is Bucky's and Namor isn't so egotistical to think he can make that decision for him. "I will assist you no matter what you decide." He turns to leave, his message delivered and standing over Bucky won't help him. 

"I need to speak him," Bucky says before he can get out of the room.

Namor hides his smile and turns to look at him. He wouldn't want to keep Bucky here if he was only going to hide from the inevitable. That isn't the way of a warrior and he wouldn't have Bucky disgrace himself with cowardice. "Good. We can go to the surface tomorrow." He holds out a hand and Bucky doesn't need any more invitation. The water on their skin makes them both grab tighter and harder to compensate, Bucky especially, pulling and reaching for _something_. When he begs Namor to fuck him harder, his words a ragged mix of Atlantean and English, Namor gives it to him.

Giving him the release he needs.

-

Steve holds Bucky as if he might disappear if he lets go. There is fear in his eyes that he's alone in this new world. It has had weeks to build up and reduce to a background simmer. He mouths 'thank you' at Namor.

But it's not that simple, it so rarely is.

Bucky spends some time on the surface with Steve but Namor isn't particularly surprised when he shows up back in Atlantis. He has marks from Steve, still vivid and dark on his neck. Namor leaves them be, doesn't even touch them and leaves his own elsewhere.

"Steve kept on asking if this was okay." Bucky whispers. Namor grunts, he doesn't care much what Steve thinks either way. It is Bucky's choice entirely. "You haven't," he continues after a heartbeat.

"I assume if you are bothered by sleeping with multiple men you will act on that." He gives Bucky a hard look. "I hope you're mature enough for that much."

"You're an ass." Bucky twists so he's on top of Namor. "You're lucky you're good in bed."

Namor twists them easily so Bucky is again on his back and catches his wrists so he can't shift the balance again. "I assure you Barnes, luck has nothing to do with it." But the challenge has been made, and Namor is willing to prove himself.

-

There's never an explanation for why Bucky continues to come back, though he says out loud he loves Steve. But there's a look in his eyes when he returns to Namor that Namor understands without words. There are more emotions than love and some needs don't have a word for them.


End file.
